Waiting...

The school district has canceled classes for the day because of bad weather. A child was dropped off and she and I are waiting for someone to return for her. After about 20 minutes waiting she looks up at me with a concerned look and says "who is coming to get me?" I tell her "Mr. P has called and your Uncle is coming." She kind of nods and goes back to peering out into the parking lot. To reassure her that everything will be okay I ask her, "where does your Uncle live?" She replies "Guatemala" and does that little nod thing again and peers out into the parking lot. I think "Oh, this could take a while."

Seen on a 1st grader's t-shirt

Parent's for sale...

Buy one get one free.

Tis The Season

Years ago I was working as an Instructional Assistant in a Kindergarten classroom. As you all know teachers, and assistants get tons of gifts at Christmas time. They can sometimes make a really good haul! This one year we had a little girl in our class who was extremely shy. If she did muster up the courage to speak, it would be in the softest tone that the teacher and I would have to be face to face with her to hear what she was saying.

The day of the school "Winter" party came around and all the students were bringing their gifts in and M entered the room with two gifts. One for the teacher and one for me. M had the biggest, brightest smile on her face when she boldly exclaimed "I brought you a present Mrs. C." I was so surprised and proud of her for speaking loudly and I hugged her as I thanked her for her gift. Then she said "Please open it now!" again in a rather loud voice. The teacher and I were both so surprised, and I did as she asked.

The gift was so large that it had been wrapped in one of those decorated plastic 'trash bag' type gift wraps, especially made for large items. I carefully untied the drawstring and opened the bag. Inside was a silk Poinsettia arrangement. How thoughtful! This was a great gift! "Oh M, I love it! I'm going to take it home and place it on my front porch. It's so large the neighbors will be able to see it as they drive by."

We set it aside and went on with our busy day of gift giving and merriment in the Kindergarten class. At the end of the day after all the children had left, the teacher and I were boxing up our treasures and discussing how we were going to spend the next two weeks out of school. Then I noticed something about the arrangement. Besides being large and very pretty, it had a heavy weight on the bottom, and it only had one side to it. It was a one sided arrangement! I was an arrangement made for a grave site! It was flat on one side so it could be placed smack dab up against a tombstone! M had given me flowers for my grave....

Oh well, after the teacher and I laughed all the way out to our cars, I took it home and just as I'd said, placed it on my front porch for all the neighborhood to see and admire. Teachers do get the best gifts.

The Refrigerator

Exchange between the School Nurse and a Kindergartner:
(We have a popular nurse.)

Kindergartner (pointing to the tan metal cabinet where supplies and medications are stored): "Ms. Nurse is that a refrigerator?"

Nurse: "No, that is a cabinet."

Kindergartner: "Well why are there magnets all over it then?"

I have a note.

Exchange between Attendance Clerk and a first grader:

First grader (handing her folded note to the Clerk): "I wasn't here yesterday because I was sick. I couldn't smell and I was blesshouing."*

Clerk: "Excuse me? You were what?"

First grader: "I could not smell and I was blesshouing." (She mad a cupping form with her hands and with shoulders raised, moved and turned out cupped hands from her chin forward.

Clerk (suppressing a smile): "Oooh, I see."

*Blesshouing- is also known as sneezing, to which you reply "Bless you."

Revelation

While screening the fifth grade class for scoliosis, on student was having difficulty withe the instructions for the bend over position.

He finally said, "Well I must have silliosis because I can't do that."

Student was re-screened at a later date. Nurse has had a full recovery from side pain due to a case of hilariosis laughosis.*

*Hilariosis laughosis can be defined as a regularly occurring condition when above incidents occur.

You're new at our school...

Nurse to a new 5th grade student.

Nurse: You're new to our school... where are you from?

5th grader with a smug attitude: We moved here from the sun, it just got too hot for us there.